By Hang Ngo, Psy.D.

A parent struggles to support her children’s remote education

My children are attending school remotely again this new school year, and I feel stressed about their learning while balancing my own job from home. Both my husband and I work full-time. It’s been a struggle to make sure our children are learning as much as they should, when we couldn’t supervise them during all their virtual classes and homework, and my children are on their iPads or on the internet too much. How can I support my children in learning while balancing my own work and managing stress?

So many parents are struggling with this same issue. The most important thing you can do is manage your expectations, which can help you manage stress. Given the circumstances of this pandemic, you need to suspend high expectations of your children’s learning and what you can manage. Schools and teachers are doing the best they can with the limitations of the virtual classroom, and children are also trying their best to adapt to these circumstances. You are also doing the best you can to juggle the demands of parenting children who are at home for school and your own full-time job, in addition to other responsibilities and your own anxieties about this pandemic. Accept that everyone is suffering from this pandemic, and that it is more important to prioritize physical and emotional health during these stressful times.

Having consistent routines can help you and your family manage stress and expectations. Routines help us manage the anxiety that stems from uncertainty. Set aside time to talk to your family about consistent routines during the school year. Schedule regular breaks during the weekdays, if you and/or your husband can take breaks from your own work, to check in with your children about how their school days are going. These short breaks may also include stretching, taking a walk around the block, or enjoying a snack together. It is also important to set aside time to do fun things off-screen, like playing games together as a family, cooking together, or taking walks in green spaces. 

If there is enough space in your home, try to set aside a specific “school” area for your children and “work” area for yourself and your husband. These specific areas may be at a table, desk or a part of your home that is solely for work or school. This helps set boundaries between when to focus for work or school and when to relax and play. Boundaries are important for managing stress.

We also feel stressed when we are disconnected from other people. It is critical to stay in contact with friends and family. If your family feels comfortable seeing other people in person with safety precautions in place (with masks on, outside, and six feet apart), scheduling social activities would be helpful. If your family is limiting in-person interactions, video or audio calls and playing games together virtually would be good options for staying connected. 

Children learn stress management from their parents and other adults around them. Modeling positive coping skills to manage stress would benefit their current and future emotional and physical health. For more specific tips on how to manage anxiety or stress during this pandemic, please see a previous column on this topic: https://sampan.org/ask-dr-hang-dealing-with-coronavirus-anxiety/

About the author: Dr. Hang Ngo is a licensed Clinical Psychologist. She speaks English, Cantonese, and Mandarin. Dr. Ngo provides therapy, psychological assessment services, and Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion consultation in Davis Square, Somerville. Her website is: https://hangngopsyd.com.

To submit your questions to the Ask Dr. Hang column, please email editor@sampan.org.

Disclaimer: The advice offered in this column is intended for informational purposes only. This column, its 

author, the newspaper and publisher are not responsible for the outcome or results of following any advice in any given situation. You, and only you, are completely responsible for your actions.