Dear Jane

Not many people are able (or willing) to honestly answer this question. I have a friend who is requiring that his fiancee sign a pre-nup. In this COVID-19 world, it seems this might be a prerequisite for any relationship. There’s a considerable disparity between his wealth and his bride-to-be, and he has been advised to present this to her just so he can cover his assets if things go bad. My question: Can a pre-nup ever be considered strictly a financial arrangement? 

Sincerely

Man from Marblehead

Dear Man from Marblehead

 A prenuptial agreement is often the most painful preparation couples go through when money and romance are involved. Simply stated, a prenuptial agreement is a written contract between two partners that details plans for their finances and assets in the event of a divorce. Since it is a prenuptial agreement, it is written before the marriage takes place. 

In my practice, I have found that there are extremely strong feelings about prenups.  For many people, if marriage means blind faith and full trust, then a prenup means no trust, no faith. But actually, I assert that a prenup should be a natural part of a couple’s financial planning portfolio before they marry or enter into other binding legal relationships 

About half of all US marriages end in divorce. The stats are even worse for second and third marriages. While most people think that couples who have a prenup will eventually divorce because of its sheer existence, I believe that a prenup can only strengthen a relationship and could prevent divorce by encouraging transparency and communication at the outset.  

When money, power, and matters of the heart are involved, a prenup forces communication between the couple around basic issues and clarifies each person’s expectations.  If your friend chooses a prenup, make it the least restrictive arrangement and have it mediated. That’s the only way you’ll show respect for your future life partnerNd yourself. Couples can outline exactly how they envision the marriage aligning with their special circumstances and needs and what the results should be if that marriage ends

These last few years have been very hard times. Some of us experienced devastating human and financial losses because of COVID. Recent studies have shown there’s actually been a shortfall in both marriages and divorces. I will tell you what I tell anybody when they ask about marriage and money. Know yourself and each other before you enter into any arrangements.

Unfortunately, when prenups are written up primarily to protect the parties involved, rather than as a planning tool for the future, then the relationship may not be strong enough to survive the sharp curves in a marriage. Marriage is about risk. Making and saving money is about risk. The key to succeeding in either is to balance the level of risk with an healthy degree of realistic expectations. 

Best Regards, 

Jane 

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