Author: A Chinese Individual from Worcester, MA

I struggled with my mental health since I was in elementary school. Growing up, I was quiet and did not participate in many extracurricular activities. Most days I was alone but not lonely until my mom intervened by questioning why I had such a limited social life. This was the start of my anxiety that peaked in high school when one day a social worker came to the classroom and called my name. During the session I was filled with an overwhelming sense of embarrassment and then shame. My home life was relatively stable, I grew up in an upper middle class home, and had never considered myself to have serious psychotic issues. I lacked the validation that my anxiety and depression were real and the stigma around mental health created my mother fed the reality that I needed professional help. It was only until I got to college that I realized how little I belonged. I grew up American but was not white. I was happy in public and felt a gaping hole when I was alone. This was when the suicidal thoughts peaked. Luckily enough I went to a university where mental health conversations were routine and I had overcome my developed stigma towards seeing a therapist. The sessions facilitated conversations that made me more open and comfortable with the state of my being and it allowed me to overcome hurdles such as taking medication and finally admitting myself into a psych ward. It is here that I recognize that growth in mental health is an uphill battle and the first step is admitting that seeking help is a sign of great strength.

This story is part of a series for 心怡HARMONIOUS, a Chinese mental health initiative, overseen by Dr. Xiaoduo Fan for the UMass Chinese Mental Health Program. To share your story, please use the anonymous submission form found at https://projectharmonious.org/share/.