By Hang Ngo, Psy.D.
I am about to graduate from college, and I am stressed about finding a job and establishing a career. A longstanding issue I’ve had with my immigrant Asian parents is that they want me to be a doctor or engineer and to make a very good salary for the rest of my life. But the truth is I’m more interested in working for environmental non-profits and in doing art. I am not interested at all in computer science or biology. The idea of having just one job or one career for the rest of my life sounds uninteresting to me, but I am worried about not making enough to support myself. What should I do to have a satisfying and interesting career while making a stable income?
When I first announced to my mother that I planned to attend graduate school in psychology, my mother asked why I didn’t want to be “a real doctor” (i.e. a medical doctor). Rather, I wanted to become a doctor of clinical psychology, a field that is misunderstood in many Asian immigrant and refugee households like mine. I was the first in the family to pursue a graduate degree and my mother’s lack of support stung. Over time, she has warmed up to the idea of psychology, because she sees that I can keep my sanity and feel fulfilled by the work I do.
It is impossible to please everyone, and even if it were possible, it would come at the cost of pleasing yourself. You have clarity in what you like (environmental issues and art) and what you don’t like (biology and computer science). This awareness is enough to guide you for now. The next step is having the courage to follow through on what you know about yourself.
Apply to those jobs at non-profits that focus on what you care about, or apply to art jobs. Keep doing art for fun and/or for money. Learn how to budget and be frugal, if the work you care about doesn’t pay very much. Some people also work at jobs that pay well and pursue their true interests on the side. Ultimately, you have to explore what your priorities and values are and flexibly make decisions from there.
Your parents might never understand your career choices, due to cultural and generational differences. More people have multiple jobs over their lifetime now, and it’s becoming more normalized to have multiple career shifts. Your parents likely come from a generation and circumstances where having one job for life was the norm. But if they had to choose between you feeling happy and healthy, versus you contorting yourself to fit their expectations and feeling miserable, I would hope that they would choose what’s best for you.
Many parents, especially those who grew up with socioeconomic insecurity and those who’ve experienced trauma and suffering, only want their children to have stable lives. Their intentions are loving, but their anxiety about security is shaped by their own experiences. They want to make sure you survive. Immigrant and refugee parents have that mindset because they did have to survive; there was no time to explore interests or to think about happiness when facing housing or food insecurity, or political unrest that threatened their lives. They made those sacrifices to give you a better life here and now, so you don’t need to just survive anymore. Go and live your life, and tell your parents all about what you’re learning about yourself and the world through your interests and jobs. Then thank them for the sacrifices they’ve made, so you can have this life.
About the author: Dr. Hang Ngo is a licensed Clinical Psychologist. She speaks English, Cantonese, and Mandarin. Dr. Ngo provides therapy, psychological assessment services, and Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion consultation in Davis Square, Somerville. Her website is: https://hangngopsyd.com.
To submit your questions to the Ask Dr. Hang column, please email editor@sampan.org.
Disclaimer: The advice offered in this column is intended for informational purposes only. This column, its author, the newspaper and publisher are not responsible for the outcome or results of following advice in any situation. Only you are completely responsible for your actions.
To read this article in Chinese (Traditional), please click here.
