By Hang Ngo, Psy.D.
I’ve been having a lot of mixed feelings about the recent shootings targeting Asian women in Atlanta, and as an Asian woman myself, I’ve been feeling scared about going outside by myself. How can I deal with all my feelings, when I don’t even know how to verbalize what these feelings are?
Everyone is different in how they react to shocking and tragic events, especially events like hate crimes. The shootings in Atlanta may stir up your own experiences of racism and sexism, as an Asian woman in the United States, and if you have not processed those feelings and experiences before, it makes sense that you are struggling with naming your feelings now.
Some common reactions to hate crimes include shock, confusion, anger, fear, anxiety, sadness/grief, hopelessness, powerlessness, helplessness, and loss of sense of safety in the world. Some people might even feel numb, as anti-Asian discrimination and violence against Asian women in the United is not new, nor is the increasing rate of mass shootings in the U.S.
A particularly frustrating aspect of the shootings in Atlanta has been the minimization or outright dismissal of naming the crime for what it was: a hate crime that targeted Asian women. This may stir up a common experience for Asian people in the U.S.: feeling invisible in our identities and our experiences of racial discrimination.
The repeated experiences of racism in all its forms, ranging from microaggressions (e.g. “where are you from?” and Asian roles in media going to white actors) to overt racist behaviors (e.g. calling coronavirus the “Kung Flu” or the “China Virus,” or being called derogatory names) accumulate to racial trauma. Being erased from history books taught in schools in the U.S., when Asians have been in the U.S. for more than a century, further reinforces the stereotype that there is no way that Asians have ever belonged in the U.S. Some of us are new immigrants, and some of us have been here for four generations.
But when our history is not celebrated, when our stories are whitewashed, there is only one representation of our stories, told through the orientalist fantasies of white men who hold the capital and thus the power in the U.S. to decide which movies and tv shows get made, which stories get published, and what is taught in our schools.
After a lifetime and a long history of racial trauma and erasure, of course we have a lot of different and even mixed feelings about the Atlanta shootings. Making sense of your feelings now and all your experiences of feeling “othered” because of your race and your gender can be painful and confusing.
Please talk to someone about your feelings and experiences to better make sense of and to find words for those experiences. Maybe you don’t have someone you trust to talk to, or maybe you feel not understood by the closest people around you because they have very different life experiences. I recommend seeking out writing or other media created by Asians/Asian Americans so you can possibly find words that resonate with your experiences. Find community so you feel less alone. Find a buddy to accompany you outside when you don’t feel safe going out alone. Your feelings and needs are valid.
About the author: Dr. Hang Ngo is a licensed Clinical Psychologist. She speaks English, Cantonese, and Mandarin. Dr. Ngo provides therapy, psychological assessment services, and Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion consultation in Davis Square, Somerville. Her website is: https://hangngopsyd.com.
To submit your questions to the Ask Dr. Hang column, please email editor@sampan.org.
Disclaimer: The advice offered in this column is intended for informational purposes only. This column, its author, the newspaper and publisher are not responsible for the outcome or results of following advice in any situation. You are responsible for your own actions.
